Finding Love

I finally found him. The man of my dreams! The road to get to him was definitely broken and I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my true “Prince Charming.” Along the way I’ve had my fair share of unsuccessful relationships. Some were good, some not so good, and some just down right horrible! Nevertheless, I feel the need to pass on what I’ve learned along the way to finding the perfect guy. Our definitions of perfect will vary, and yes I know, no one is perfect, but I do believe there is a person out there that will fit perfectly with your life. Much like a puzzle if you want to go the analogy route.

I do not believe that everyone needs a significant other to make them feel complete. You’ve heard it before – you cannot truly find love unless you are content and happy alone and that’s the truth. However, I do believe that our main purpose and greatest gift is to love one another. Being in a healthy relationship teaches us how to truly love unconditionally. Sure, dating can be fun and exciting, but in my heart of hearts I feel that for the most part, people yearn for and desire a fully committed relationship where they can take risks and trust their partner with their whole heart.

This blog will be devoted to helping you not only find the love of your life, but also learn a few tips about how to keep them around for good! I am NOT an expert, but I do have life experience that I hope to pass along to my readers. Not all of my relationships have been successful, but if you are at a point in your life where whatever you are doing is not working, I would like to provide you with a different perspective and hopefully give you some advice that might help you figure out a fresh approach to your current love life situation.

 

Happy reading!

Be grateful.

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

I touched a little bit last week about finding joy. When you practice gratitude, you open the door to authentic happiness. When you practice gratitude, you start to forget about the things you want and you begin to appreciate the things you have.

My baby girl was born five months ago, and I’ve been fortunate enough to find a few part-time gigs to make some extra money for our family since I am taking a break from teaching to stay at home with her. I live in a vacation town, Galveston, Texas, so one of the jobs I do is greet guests for a vacation rental company. I’ve noticed an interesting pattern in the different type of clientele for the different homes we manage.

In particular, we manage two vastly different homes. One is a million dollar home right on the beach equipped with gorgeous views, a hot tub, an elevator, three porches to relax on and spend some quality time with family, and the list goes on and on. It is a dream home in my opinion! The other house is a modest cottage right in town – not necessarily in the best location. However, it is close enough to the beach and it is functional.

The guests I meet at the in town cottage are some of the most genuine, down-to-earth people, that are just thankful to get away for some much needed R&R. They are always so complimentary of the home and have a happy demeanor about them. They don’t seem to mind the fact that there is no TV, the air is a little warm inside, and could care less about getting on the internet. Or they are just pretending and are nice enough not to say anything. But – I’m pretty good at reading people so I think I will stick with my initial thought.

This is such a stark contrast to the guests that vacation at the dream home. I’m amazed at their lackluster reaction upon entering this gorgeous house with ceiling to floor views of the gulf. Most of the time they are solely concerned with getting the WiFi information and pout about the house not having cable TV, which is clearly mentioned on the booking site. After realizing there is no cable, the rest of the tour goes downhill from there and they are not able to take in the stunning views and surroundings. Hello people you are on vacation! Go play at the beach! Try talking to your family and friends for a change! These hard to please people seem grumpy and annoyed to be on vacation. VACATION! This is a big turn off and immediately makes me like them less. I leave feeling deflated and uninspired to say the least.

It disappoints me, but life goes on. My point is to spend less time worrying about the things you don’t have and more time appreciating the things you do have. You might just realize you are more blessed than you think!

Be more like Jessica. 🙂

This girl knows how to practice gratitude.

Here are some resources to help get you started:

  • Pick the Brain Blog – A very motivational blog that posts articles about how to grow yourself. It is not some cheesy self-help website. It’s really good. I promise.

 

It’s truly a domino effect: the more grateful you are–> the happier you become–> the happier you become–>the more you open your heart to the possibility of finding love and attracting someone that has a grateful spirit as well.

 

Awaken Joy

I’m not the prettiest girl in the room, the smartest, or even the funniest (you can hear crickets when I try to tell a joke)– but some way, somehow…. I managed to marry the most incredible man who loves every part of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I kid you not. He is just as amazing on the inside as he is on the outside and that’s hard to come by. I know everyone thinks their husband is all that and a bag of chips, but mine truly is just that. I married up. I married up BIG time! As cheeseball as it sounds, it’s 110% true.

Case in point.

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How did I get so lucky?

 

I think a big contributing factor for finding the right person for me, was my positive outlook on life. After all, the law of attraction clearly states, “like attracts like.” Just like a boomerang – the energy you put out in the world will come back to you.

 

A few weeks ago I celebrated my thirtieth birthday with a close group of friends. Being the type of girl who loves to play get to know you games and ask conversation starters in which everyone has to participate, I shouldn’t have been surprised that my two best friends requested that everyone go around the table and say a few words that described me. I was mortified. I love playing getting to know you games, but not when the spotlight is all on me!

 

Luckily, everyone went pretty easy on me and no one brought up anything too embarrassing. It came time for my best friend of 18 years to lay it all out! I braced myself for the worst. She began to compare me to the character Joy from Disney’s Pixar film Inside Out. Everyone looked at her a little strangely because unless you have kids under the age of 5, chances are you haven’t seen the movie!

 

Quick synopsis of Inside Out if you haven’t seen it:

In a nutshell, it is about an eleven-year-old girl, Riley who has to move from Minnesota with her parents to San Francisco. Five personifications of her emotions come to life as she experiences all the ups and downs of moving to a new city. Joy acts as the main leader and is Riley’s biggest life cheerleader. A light literally shines around her as she moves and she is the uplifting voice that encourages all of the other emotions to work together.

 

After seeing the movie, I realized that being compared to the Pixar character Joy was the best compliment I have ever received in my life. My beloved friend saw me in a way that I have never seen in myself. I have a joyful heart, even during the most trying times.

 

Joy is a quality that others look for in friendships and relationships. Negative Nancy brings others down. Don’t you just feel so much lighter and happier when you are around others who exude positive energy? I’m not saying you have to be Mary Sunshine either. Everyone has their own unique way of demonstrating their joy. Here are some ways to bring the joy out in yourself.

 

10 Simple Ways to Unearth Joy – it’s in there!

  1. Do what you love-

It’s as simple as it sounds. Do not devote your precious time and energy to things that do not bring you happiness or a false sense of happiness. Does spending hours scrolling through Facebook really make your heart happy? Your time could be better spent cooking a scrumptious meal and drinking delicious wine with friends, playing music, dancing in the rain, or reading a good book. Even just a quick walk outdoors to take the time to appreciate nature is enough to awaken your senses. Don’t get bogged down with your daily habits that squash your joy. Be intentional about how you manage your time.

  1. Appreciate the little things –

My husband is always encouraging me to stop and look at the sunset, listen to the birds chirping, smell the sweet smell of the flowers. He truly knows how to be present and lives in the moment. When you take the time to stop and smell the roses, you begin to appreciate life on a grander scale.

 

I’ll go into detail about the next 8 ways to find joy in later posts, but for now I’ll just list them.

 

  1. Practice gratitude

  2. Smile

  3. Get some Vitamin D (sunlight is my preferred method!)

  4. Show kindness to others

  5. Don’t cling to material possessions more than relationships

  6. Go to bed early

  7. Take time out to THINK

  8. Pray

There are many many ways to experience joy daily. Once you do, let it shine through you, or better yet, ooze out of you, so that others can not only see your happiness, but can feel it as well. You will be an uplifting presence around others who may be struggling or just need an extra pick me up. Joy is a quality that every human being searches for in others (rather they know it or not) because it is so incredibly rare to find in a world full of negativity and doubt. Stand out and give joy a chance.

 

What gives you joy?

 

I would love to hear from you. Feel free to email me at findandkeephim2@gmail.com if you have any questions or article topics you would like to hear about!

Lookin’ For Love In All the Wrong Places

Location, location, location! Not just a slogan for real estate. In today’s fast paced world, there are a plethora of options for finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. However, these options might lead you down the wrong path. I say this with slight hesitation because I have witnessed a handful of relationships come from reputable dating sites. However, if you think you are going to find THE ONE on Tinder or other hook-up dating Apps, online, or on a reality TV show, I would strongly encourage you to look elsewhere! Dating is not an Olympic sport, nor should it be treated like one.

 

I hear you. It’s not that easy. I know how hard it is to find a quality guy or gal, especially when you have work and a social life to maintain, so I understand why people are attracted to the insanity of it all. It seems like a quick fix. We are accustomed to having everything at the tip of our fingertips- why can’t we have relationship choices in that same fashion?

 

Choose quality over quantity. You are going to have to do the work the old fashioned way if you want to build a relationship that lasts. Get out there. Form real relationships!Placeholder Image

 

So, where do you look then? Consider joining a group that participates in activities that you are interested in such as, Events and Adventures.

I am not affiliated with this organization, but I’ve heard very positive things about this company through word of mouth. The great thing about Events and Adventures is that you can meet new people that you have similar interests with while doing incredible activities such as white water rafting, traveling abroad, or even skydiving! Plus, you form a deeper connection when your adrenaline is pumping and you are conquering your fears together! That shared experience could be the glue that binds you together. If thrill seeking is not your style, they offer opportunities to serve the community together or wine tastings! The other nice thing about this company is that they meet with each individual member to ensure quality and safety for everyone. Check it out today! If anything, you will meet a handful of new friends.

 

Other places that are included but  not limited to….

  • The dog park

If you are a dog person, this is a perfect place to meet someone! Not only will Fido appreciate getting the exercise, being outdoors, and meeting a few new pals of his own, but you will be in a casual setting with your best friend there to help you meet and greet any potential suitors. My dog Zoey was always very perceptive and could sniff out any losers before I even had the chance! (Zoey never once barked at Prince Charming, but she turned all Cujo on a few others who turned out to be rotten eggs.) You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their pets.

 

  • Your friends’ friends

If you hang out with them- you must like them! Your friends will attract people similar to themselves. If they haven’t asked to already, don’t be afraid to ask your friends to set you up with potential guys they are friends with or know. There is something very comforting in knowing that one of your friends is able to vouch for their character. Your friends can be a valuable resource if you allow them to be.

 

  • Your own circle of friends

Most people are too afraid to mess up a rock steady friendship they have with someone. However, a rock steady friendship is exactly what lays the foundation for an awesome romantic relationship. Jump in! Don’t be afraid (I know, easier said than done). If taking your friendship to the next level causes you to lose that friendship, then you weren’t as good of friends as you originally thought.

 

  • Church or religious organizations

Differing or opposing views about religion can put a dent in, or possibly even lead to the demise of a relationship. You will have a better idea about a person’s faith when you meet them in a place where you have shared values and beliefs. It takes some guess work out of dating. You will still have a lot to learn about that person, but it helps when you have a starting point! Get involved in a small group, or community group within your church where you can develop meaningful, supportive, and encouraging relationships to build upon.

 

Of course, I’m a firm believer that you can find love anywhere if you are open to the idea of it. These are just a few places I believe are more reasonable options than the aforementioned.

Now that you have an idea of where to look, in my next post, I will reveal tips for how to be more appealing to the opposite sex! Stay tuned….

Make a List

As women we are great at making lists. Grocery lists, shopping lists, to-do lists, just to name a few. When is the last time you sat down and wrote out a list of all of the qualities you are looking for in a man? Sorry, your list you drafted when you were in elementary school does not count! As you grow and learn more about yourself, the qualities that you look for in a man should evolve as well. Think about it… sometimes grocery shopping can lead to a lot of random unhealthy choices if it is not carefully planned out, especially if you go at a time when you are hungry! On the flip side, if you have a well-organized list with most of your meals planned out in advance, the odds of grabbing those tempting, but oh so tasty treats such as Tim Tams (if you have not had these, please immediately stop what you are doing, head to the store and pick up a pack and devour – you will thank me later) are less likely. The same goes for dating. If you are just dating willy-nilly, the chances of you meeting and then later falling for the wrong men are much more likely to happen if you do not have a set list of what you want.

My suggestion would be to make a list broken down into three categories of non-negotiable traits, things you would like to see in a man but aren’t necessarily deal breakers, and character traits that are what I like to call the cherry on top. You need to search your heart deeply in order to create your list. You’ve probably been making a mental check list in your head ever since you were a youngin’. What you think you wanted a long time ago has probably changed over time or veered off course. Things that meant the world to you at one point, you now realize you could live without. Hopefully, as you grow and mature into a finer version of yourself, you will start adding more things to the list that you value in a partner, such as their core values and less superficial traits (ahem – washboard abs do not = awesome life partner, even though Brad Pitt does make one think twice about this).

So the very first step is to figure out what you want. The next step will sound contradictory, but necessary for your journey. Sometimes God puts someone in your life that may not have everything we are looking for or think we need, but instead gifts you with someone who has qualities that you never thought you needed or wanted in your significant other that compliment you. The Rolling Stones were on to something when they sang, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you NEED!” So true.

Yes, it is important to have an idea of what you want in a mate, but try not to get so fixated on “your list” that you unintentionally brush someone off who may not have A, B, C… but may have X, Y, Z – qualities that just might match perfectly with your personality and your life’s mission! My point is to have a good understanding about what you want, but also be flexible and open to the idea of something new and unexpected that might just knock you off of your feet!